You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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