Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
