my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
