what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
