Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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