K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
pray to the hookup gods
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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