I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
