hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
