i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
