didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
did i walk over a car last night?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize