I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
