Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
