Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
