Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
