It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
