Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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