im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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