Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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