Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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