I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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