bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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