it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
