my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize