i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There's always time for handjobs
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
