Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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