were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
