I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize