guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize