I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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