Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
where are you?
Hypothermia
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
