I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
