Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
