I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
