Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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