If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
