You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
