I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
