He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
