you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
