Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
