you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
