so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
