It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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