guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
