He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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