i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
