dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
