I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
