SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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