Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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