Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
