Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
