dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
