Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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