he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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