I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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