who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
