I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
