So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
