You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
