obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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