I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
