i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize