i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
