a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
