Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize