Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize