i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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