the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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